


I thought we'd have more time

by techieturnover



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Drabble, Gen, M/M, tumblr drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:16:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5871073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/techieturnover/pseuds/techieturnover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Axel never told Roxas he loved him, Lea wonders why</p>
            </blockquote>





	I thought we'd have more time

I forget who I am sometimes.

I mean, that I’m Lea, and not Axel. I rag on the others for it and act indignant but sometimes, in this body, the name Axel seems just as familiar as my own. My freshest memories are Axel’s: of the last few years, the Organization...of Roxas. Roxas is Axel’s, and he takes up a pretty good portion of Axel’s most vivid memories. 

There’s a picture I found in my pocket when I woke up; it’s Roxas and Hayner and Pence and Ollette with a bunch of sea salt ice creams. I don’t know when it was taken or why Roxas is still in it, he’s supposed to not exist. But he does, in this picture Axel kept on him. 

He looks happy. 

Maybe that’s why Axel kept it. 

When I first met Ventus I meant what I said to him, I would have liked to see him again as myself, I would have liked to really be his friend. I would have liked the opportunity to...I don't know. I have the opportunity now, but it doesn’t feel okay anymore. Not when I can look at him and a part of me so easily sees Roxas, remembers all the feelings that Axel felt for him. He doesn't know Roxas like I know Axel.

Roxas is the whole reason I’m here. I don’t know how to feel about that. Axel loved Roxas; he told himself that Nobodies couldn’t feel love because they didn’t have hearts, but I don’t know if love is purely in our hearts. If it’s not, maybe that’s why sometimes I feel like I’m the one who misses Roxas like he's the thing missing from the middle of my chest. If love is as all consuming as Axel felt it was, andthe only thing different about me and Axel is that I have a heart and he doesn’t, it makes sense. 

I get angry at Axel, sometimes. For not telling Roxas why he kept everything from him, how he was only trying to protect someone he cared about - a Nobody trying to care, and I hear him laughing - for going about this whole love thing the wrong way. I get angry at him but, I can’t blame him. I was never much good at it either, and he is me after all. 

When I find myself using bits of their conversations I wonder if that’s another attempt of Axel’s to make sure at least one person always remembers Roxas. If even one person remembers him…. That, I can understand. 

Mostly though when I feel like Axel, I find myself sitting in my room, or by myself somewhere I can see the sunset, and staring at this picture. The memories replay inside his - my? - mind, of the first time they met, of recognizing a piece of Ventus within Roxas. Of being driven to any act of desperation to see Roxas again. 

I guess I know why he didn’t tell Roxas. 

People who want to be immortal have no sense of when the end is coming, until it’s already here. Until it’s too late. I guess he really is me.


End file.
